When excuses get in your way
We all had that friend, family member, colleague or phase in your own life when it seems that life gets in the way.
You want to read more books but you are too tired after your day of work.
You want to start exercising but the children need you all the time and you cannot free your time.
The list could go on and on and I am sure I could find the actual activity or excuse for each of us.
But why do we do this to others and ourselves?
Why do we make excuses
Ah this is the 1 million dollar question….why do we make excuses?
Is the answer easy I assume it can be if you know that you actually are making excuses.
I do not know one person, myself included who has never made an excuse on why we are not doing what we want to do….or do we actually want to do it?
I believe this is the real reason behind excuses.
You say that you want to loose weight, exercise more, take up running, read more, start knitting….again depending on who you are, the list can look completely different.
The reality is that if you really wanted to do something you would allow your life to get the time, the space for that item in your life.
It is all about changing your priorities and adding that item to your daily/weekly routine but instead you are burying your head in the sand, ignoring reality….lying to yourself
How do we make excuses
Well this one is not too hard to describe.
Any reasoning someone give you, there will be a reason why it cannot work.
Do any of the below sounds familiar?
I want to start exercising but I do not have the time…..ok the first part can be replace with any of your activity
Suggestions from friends and family members
1.There are those apps you can put on your phone and they start with 10 minutes exercise you can squeeze in any time of the day
Answer: Ah I have done that in the past, but I do not stick to it
So you are providing a past reason on why it did not work in the past. That try could have been 10 years ago when you had a completely different life but you stick to that excuse
2. Why don’t do try to go for a walk at lunch time
Answer: Ah I did that last summer but when the weather turned then with the rain it was not possible anymore, maybe when the weather is nicer
Now the excuse is an external force that you cannot control
3. There is that group that has several time brackets for the couch to 5 k
Answer: I had a look and it seems that it requires some commitment to join the group every week and under the circumstances I cannot be certain that I would be able to make it each time, so better not start
Now the excuse has to be with commitment and you feeling that you would not be a good group member if you cannot make the run for each time
I could keep going with the examples but like everything, if someone tells you they cannot start something and they manage to provide you with more than 2 excuses to your solutions, the truth is that they do not want to actually do it….
Why do people lie to themselves?
Ah once again this is the 1 million dollars question.
I guess it is easier to find excuses than to admit that you do not want to change.
Someone over weight a little or a lot knows what they need to do to loose weight.
Yes you will have the exception which has a medical reason to be too fat or too thin but let’s face it most of us are not medically obese or skinny, we eat too much or too little and of the wrong things.
So we know what we need to do to loose weight if we stick to that example
Reduce your intake of fat, sugar, drink more water and reduce your portion….but we do not do it…WHY?
And that is the true question that no one but the actual person can answer but I will provide examples
It could be that the person is depressed and eat for comfort…but they do not realise that they are depressed
It could be that the person is grieving and therefore all her energy is concentrating on that grieving process
It could be that this person actually does not care what they look like but feel that they need to say they are not happy about their body because everyone else is saying it about their bodies
It could be that they have an active partner and they feel insecure about his/her level of activity
It could be that they used to be active and fit when they were younger and they want to return to that time of their life (a little of mid-life crisis anyone?)
Anyway once again the list can go on and on as each person has a different story
One of my favourite excuses, when someone is literally doing something and telling you that they never do it….I never eat chocolate!!!!!Really now.
Why do people keep lying?
Well the simple answer is that they do not know they are lying.
As mentioned they might genuinely think that they want to do that activity.
So as a friend or family member what can you do or should do, well it depends who you are but I am at a stage of life when I am tired of people making excuses as I am passed that stage of my life.
So let’s not run around accusing everyone of lying…and break up relationships for no reason.
As mentioned before the person might not know they are not at the right stage of mind, depression….so let’s not bring them down even more.
But you can always mention gently after the third or fourth excuses that maybe they are not ready for that activity otherwise they would actually find time to get it done.
If you give them examples when they could have done that activity and chose something else then this could help them open their eyes on the situation.
I think that people can make themselves miserable when they inspire to be someone they are not and realising that you are not that person right now might help you to move towards that person, or be fine to move away from that potential person.
