Small disclaimer on this blog, some items might be triggering as we are talking about PTSD experience or similar.

I obviously do not want to increase life events into actual real PTSD but use the principle to understand our reactions better.

What is PTSD

There are different levels of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but in general a PTSD is a reaction to a life trauma.

This can be life threatening experience, extremely stressed or threatening events that happened in our lives or that we witness.

Obviously some of those events are clear and straight forward.

It is very well known that war witnesses can suffer from PTSD for life and many movies have been made relating to this matter.

It is an important issue which can destroy lives and if not treated can cause suicide, homelessness and exclusion to society and other violent acts.

A great example and wonderful Movie is Rambo First Blood released in 1982.

This is obviously an extreme example and most people, hopefully, will not go through such experience.

My life experience with near death experience

I am definitely not a water person. I do not like the feel of water on my body when submerged.

I can handle taking baths do not get me wrong, but actually it is not something that I consider relaxing. Each to their own I guess.

I almost drown twice which definitely explain being uncomfortable with water.

But the very first time I was a small child of around 2, and even though I went to hospital for this incident I do not believe that it played a role in my fear of water.

The real trauma I am talking about was when I was around 8 and I fell in a rapid. I was washing my hands in the water during a summer camp and another child thought it would be funny to pretend pushing me in the water. Pretty harmless joke that even I would I consider doing but unfortunately for me, the pushing and grabbing back prank ending up with a pushing only and me floating in the rapid. I still remember the panic I was in when my head was going above and under water. The rushing muffled noise when my head was under water, the water going up my nose and in my ears. Rapids are not an easy surface to swim or stay over due to its force and all the rocks and different levels. You are dragged along and unless you are dragged out or you manage to grab a branch or a rock I personally do not think you can just get out of it until the water is calmer.

Anyway I am here now, thanks to the adult of my summer camp who managed to create a chain in the water and grab me before it was too late.

So even though it was several decades ago, and that I took upon myself to make sure I learn how to swim. I still find the cold water on my body very distressing and I cannot put my head under water.

I panic and cannot control my breathing.

You would think that an experience that lasted a few minutes would not handicap you for life but it does.

And you would think that an experience than lasted only a few seconds could not remain vivid….

My life experience with death

Ah you will think that my life is a movie or a book well let me take you a few summers ago when I was walking my dog on a Sunday morning.

Does that not sound like a start of a movie?

Yes well this is real life when a dog walker found a body in the woods.

And it is traumatic, but I did not think it would stay with me for such a long time.

It happened 8 years ago and only for a split second but last Halloween, a neighbour had done a brilliant job for a decoration. They hang what looked like a really good imitation of a man in a tree.

I know you are going to think, stop walking your dog early morning for heaven’s sake :)

Anyhow, I got out with the dog and saw that “body”, it took me a little aback but I kept walking and slowly my body started shaking uncontrollably, and tears starting falling down my chicks.

I was not actually crying, I was just tearing and it could not stop.

I returned home and we had to ask for the item to be removed.

I did not know this would ever happen to me.

That experience lasted a few seconds, literally I had one look. I do not remember returning home, I just know that I went from the tree to my home but without any recollection.

My hands were shaking and they did not stop shaking for almost a week.

I had night terrors for a good few days, this is when you think you are sleeping but you are awake and what you experience is so vivid but you cannot stop it from happening, I was screaming for hours on it seems.

I had nightmares for almost 6 months after that. But then I was fine.

But obviously my subconscious kept that memory and triggered years later.

Our annoying sentimental baggage

Obviously those are very extreme case that happened to me. But think abut it.

What happens when you are being cheated on. Is this not a personal trauma, that remains with you for the rest of your life.

And I think that is why any kind of trauma should not be ignored but talked and dealt with but also not buried and become shameful or a taboo within yourself.

I am not saying when you meet a new partner that you should go through all your past love experience and tell them that you have trust issue because of the previous idiots that you were dating.

But I believe that YOU should be aware of your personal traumas, and when the symptoms happen, you should be able to talk about it with your new partner for a better understanding of your feelings and reactions.

Nevertheless, you should not hide behind those traumas and become an unreasonable partner crazy boiling rabbit girlfriend or diva because of it either.

Anyway, I believe in therapy and self-help and that knowing yourself allows to a better balance and happy life.